Five Euro Pizza

by Dark Bottle

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Extra hot picture vinyl with lyric sheet. Topping on one side, crust on the other!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Five Euro Pizza via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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    edition of 250 

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  • T-Shirt/Apparel + Digital Album

    Very tasty banjo-in-a-bottle-design. Black cotton.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Five Euro Pizza via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Keep your beer (or any drink of your choice) cold and your hands warm with this amazing contraption. Probably made of neoprene or something else, works like a charm. Has been tested in Finnish sauna. Handsome black color with yellow print.

    Includes unlimited streaming of I Only Wanted a Home via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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about

All songs written by Donald Lupo and arranged by Dark Bottle except 4: lyrics John Doyle, music Donald Lupo, arrangement Dark Bottle and 7: traditional, arranged by Dark Bottle
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Tom Brooke at Tonehaven Studios, February and July 2016

credits

released November 11, 2016

Teemu Kiiskilä: guitar, backing vocals, effect chaos
Tero Mäenpää: double bass, backing vocals, theremin
L. Don Ohkami: banjo, reso-guitar, lead vocals
Janne Similä: drums, percussion

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about

Dark Bottle Tampere, Finland

Dark Bottle is doombilly, psych-country, alt-punk and krautstoner at the same time.

Donald Lupo - banjo, resoguitar, vocals

Teemu Kiiskilä - guitar, mandolin, harmonica, vocals

Tero Mäenpää - bass, vocals

Janne Similä - drums, percussion
... more

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Track Name: Ballad of the 5 Euro Pizza
Tero came from Hyvinkää, he was a fine young man
His helped his mother baking, and did it with command
His pizzas were the favorite at the parties of his friends
He never could have dreamed that he’d come to a sad end
All for a 5 Euro pizza

When he finished schooling young Tero knew his way
He’d make his living selling the best pizzas every day
He opened his own grilli behind the city walls
Then it came to pass that the cause of his downfall
Was a 5 Euro pizza

Oh the police said it can’t be made for less than 6
Even if you buy it from a Dr. Oetker mix
They called it tax evasion and they shut the baking room
A 5 Euro pizza was his doom

Ahmez and Amira, from Kurdistan they came
Their families killed, and European weapons were to blame
To Pohjanmaa they came and they tried to start anew
They worked hard and decided that the only thing to do
Was sell 5 Euro pizzas

They worked around the clock and they needed no state aid
5 Euros was a fair price and their taxes were all paid
But Koti pizza didn’t like it, said “police please come on ‘round
We don’t like competition and we want them all shut down
All those 5 Euro pizzas”

Oh the police said it can’t be made for less than 6
Even if you buy it from a Dr. Oetker mix
They called it tax evasion and they shut the baking room
A 5 Euro pizza was their doom
Track Name: Perusulkomaalainen Blues
Well I saw Timo Soini, he was walkin’ down the road
Well I saw Timo Soini, he was walkin’ down the road
And I said hey hey Timo, you know you look just like a toad

I’ve been readin’ the newspapers and I don’t like the things you say
German, English, Finnish, don’t matter, I don’t like the things you say
And it you don’t stop talking shit I’m gonna throw you in that bale of hay

Well I love living here, like jumping through holes in the ice to swim
But I won’t drink ‘til I fall over Saturday nights just so I can fit in
And it you don’t like that Timo, drink yourself a 62-year-old can of gin

I don’t like no maksaalaatikko, don’t eat no Saarioinen gloop
I don’t like no maksaalaatikko, don’t eat no Saarioinen gloop
But I really do like mämmi, even if it looks like a pile of runny poop

I’m a Perusulkomaalainen, and I’m gonna kick your ass
I’m a Perusulkomaalainen Olli, and I’m gonna kick your ass
Unless of course you chill out and we can go behind the barn and smoke a little grass

I’m a Perusulkomaalainen, Perusulkomaalainen
Perus ulkomaalainen, perus ulkomaalainen
Sorry Timo, times have changed and that’s the way things gonna be.
Track Name: Bad Brownie #14
Everything is making me nervous
Even my old bong don’t help at all
Don’t know if it’s the full moon or the pizza
But soon I’m going to start climbing the walls

That street light there is looking at me funny
And L. Ron Hubbard’s listening to my phone
The water heater’s singing songs from Heino
And the stereo’s playing Radio Interzone

I’m standing in the doorway, trying to get some air
But I didn’t pay the air bill; I did it on a dare
If the state could help me, I might give them a call
But Halla-Aho makes my skin crawl

Jabberwock is staring in my window
There’s snakes and beetles crawling down my wall
And Gore Vidal is hanging from the ceiling
And he’s talking in a low-down Southern drawl

Saying “Boy git your ass up and get movin’
Stop hanging around there just like you was dead”
So I jump up and run out into the hallway
And I try to clear the cobwebs from my head

I’m standing in the doorway…
Track Name: Nothing Ever Happens on the Highway
Nothing ever happens on the highway
Nothing ever happens to me
Nothing ever happens on the highway
Or so it seems to me
I roll this 18-wheeler
Up and down the Denmark trail
Nothing ever happens on the highway
And I wish I’d gone by rail

I think one time I might have stopped in old San Antone
But truth be told, it was only just to charge my mobile phone
The cable, it was long enough to reach right to the plug
But I’d brought the wrong adaptor
And I did feel such a mug

Nothing ever happens……

I swear, one night I thought I saw a ninja by the road
Dressed in black, and with a sword and hat, I nearly lost my load
I hit the brakes and honked my horn, and turned around to see
A cow at gate, not a Kung Fu great
Staring back at me

Nothing ever happens….
Track Name: The Deep Blue Pool at Lourdes
My mama drowned in the deep blue pool at Lourdes
She didn’t have time to fill her gourd
The Virgin Mary’s plastic crown
Went tumbling, tumbling tumbling down

She went down where the candle flickers
A poor old cripple, he glanced her knickers
And his heart skipped a crucial beat
His falling crutch swept Ma right off her feet

My mama drowned…..

The plastic Mary Holy Water container
(I mean, how could anyone really blame her?)
Spun from her hands and fell into the pool
I wonder, could Mary ever feel such a fool?

My mama drowned….

Ma jumped in, the Virgin for to save
Her life for the Lady she willingly gave
They pulled her lifeless body up from that grotto
So listen up good to my old Mama’s motto

My mama drowned…..
Track Name: I Only Wanted a Home
Born and raised on our cotton farm
Snowballs blazing in the dusty midday sun
After my homework and field chores were done
A green-eyed girl would wait beside the barn
We swore to each other that we’d never be alone
And we would build us a home

The farm went to Ali so we moved to Homs
Got a job on the rigs pumping crude from the ground
It was hot, it stank and I hated the sound
But the pay was good for my wife and our sons
We thought there would be no more reason to roam
We had found us a home

Bombs poured down in a rain of death
The smell of corpses filled the air
Aisha died in my arms, killed by a drone
And that was the end of our home

Half Ali’s farm was the smuggler’s fee
100 people on a 50 man raft
A winter storm tossed us and I tried to grab
my two sons but a wave carried them to the sea
I buried my head and started to moan
And couldn’t think of a home

We came to Finland, it was barren and cold
And the place we should have stayed had been burned to the ground
Soldiers of Odin accused us in town
Of raping their women and stealing their gold
But we only want peace after living in dread
I mourn for my Aisha, no one else in my head
I only want a home
All I ever wanted was a home
Track Name: Pretty Polly
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Before we get married, some pleasure to see

He led her over hills and through valleys so steep
He led her over hills and through valleys so steep
He led her over hills and through valleys so steep
‘Til at last pretty Polly began to weep

She threw her arms around him, she was so full of fear
She threw her arms around him, she was so full of fear
She threw her arms around him, she was so full of fear
“I’m afraid you will harm the one who loves you so dear”

Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, you’ve guessed about right
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, you’ve guessed about right
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, you’ve guessed about right
For I dug on your grave the best part of last night

He stabbed her through the heart and the blood it did flow
He stabbed her through the heart and the blood it did flow
He stabbed her through the heart and the blood it did flow
And into the grave pretty Polly did go

He threw some dirt over her and turned to go home
He threw some dirt over her and turned to go home
He threw some dirt over her and turned to go home
Leaving no one there but the birds for to mourn

Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Pretty Polly, pretty Polly, please come along with me
Before we get married, some pleasure to see